So I just did a rambling Periscope about how being a mom is enough! Catch the replay HERE. But basically what prompted this was some thoughts about being a mommy, and the beginning of this blog. Then an amazing Periscope was broadcast by the amazing Jon Acuff, basically praising moms and all they do. And, how often times mom’s don’t feel good enough. It was a sign from the universe to finish this blog. So here we go.
I have been noticing lately (now that I am more social with mom friends and with a homsechool group) how moms (including myself) get so uptight when their kids (in their opinion) act “different” or act out. Why is this? Why do we get all bent out of shape when our kids say “FART” or our kids are grumpy?
First off, as mom’s we know our kids. We know their temperaments and quirks. But, for some reason outside the home we expect them to be saints. What are we trying to prove? We live in a society filled with reality shows that depict either super dramatic scenario’s or people who live very luxurious lives. Which is nice and I appreciate that, however it is not realistic. We are constantly comparing ourselves. Social media plays a huge part in this as well. I mean how many people to you have on your Facebook or Instagram that’s constantly inconspicuously bragging about their perfect child, life, or husband. Now, don’t get me wrong I am not judging and I am not bitter by any means. I am simply stating facts to prove my point. So, we all have/know those people. You know the one who’s 6 month old is potty trained, or the mom who juggles it all in heels with flawless hair and makeup. Or the mom that’s kid who is 18 months that is fluent is 12 languages. Ya, those moms. We look at them like geez why can’t my kid just grasp the potty at 6 months…Or why isn’t my kid doing double-digit math flawlessly by the age of 2! It makes us feel shameful, not good enough, and makes us feel like we are failures. Instead our kids are throwing tantrums in public places at the worst times or running outside naked all the time. We get embarrassed at our kid when they throw a tantrum in the store (been there too many times). It’s OK it is going to happen. If people stare F*&K THEM. They aren’t living in your shoes. Maybe you or your little one are having a rough day, or maybe the little one is tired.. whatever it may be no explanation is needed and certainly you do not need to feel bad. Allow the anxiety to be there… but know that you are doing your best in the given situation. Stand your ground, do what you have to do but don’t feel bad and dont worry about they eyes on your or the judgement. One day those people will be in your shoes and if not in a similar situation where all eyes are on them. Not everyone can come from a place of love and compassion, but you can.
Comparing ourselves to those so called “Perfect Moms” is insane. I mean we all do it, but if we can just stop this destructive habit, life would be a lot more pleasurable. Let’s look at it for what it is. We are seeing these posts and as impressive and great as they are, they are only a glimpse into their truth… and snippet into their reality. Also, another side note they control what they post… so naturally they are going to post positive things. Our society is one that is obsessed with what people have, material things, “winning”, and being better than. Yes re-read that! How sad is that? But that is the world today. Keeping that in mind, most people will not post things like “My husband pisses me off he never takes out the trash” or “Look how horrible my kid is being right now.” People want people to think their reality is perfect and that they have the greenest grass. When that isn’t the truth they are living. In fact, I find the individuals who habitually post things that portray their life to be a fairy tale are so far from it. Life is good, but it’s not perfect. So keep in mind the grass isn’t greener, and your grass won’t get greener if you don’t water it yourself.
Being a mom is the most rewarding and thankless job anyone could have. It is a bi-polar job. The weak of heart couldn’t stand to ride the rollercoaster called motherhood. Being a mom means being a chauffeur, maid, ass wiper, stylist, hair dresser, teacher, life coach, servant, chef, laundress, nurse, and everything in between. This is and invaluable responsibility, and it is the most precious of all. Let’s stop comparing ourselves to others, stop looking at what someone else is doing, because maybe what they are doing won’t work for us. Surround yourself with moms who will support and uplift you. Ones that will guide you and not criticize you. But most importantly give yourself some credit! You are raising a person! You are doing just fine!
There is no such thing as a perfect mom, you can be an imperfectly amazing mom. Trying to be the perfect mom is unattainable, but being a great mom is possible. I yell at my kids, I get pissed. I feel bad at times, and times I feel like I have failed my kids and don’t know what I am doing. That’s the nature of the beast my friends. But you are thriving, we are all doing the best we can. And, that is all we can do. There is one thing I know to be 1000% true with being a mom, and that is often times I feel like a failure (especially homeschooling) but I would rather be a failure and trying my very best with something I love (my kids) than successful with something I hate. You have the job of raising a human, and your job is to raise that tiny being into a good, kind, functional member of society. That is a huge task. Not everyone is cut out for that, but you are. Find time for you, because it is important. But realize how much you are needed (no pressure) and with that need being demanded by your little ones in return you are so so loved. You have the blessing of having someone so tiny love you so selfishly, so unconditionally with out judgement or reason. The most precious jewels around your neck will be the one of your child, so value those jewels, take care of those priceless jewels. Care for them and shine them when needed. Know when to put the jewels aside and be you, but most importantly insure those jewels; insure them with your heart.
XOXOX your Imperfect, stressed, stinky, smelly, messy hair, no makeup, out of shape, loved Mommy pal,